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The cons: This will tend to work more with commitment minded betas (or reformed betas), which is not every woman’s cup of tea.  There’s more time involved in this approach (which is besides the point if all a woman wants is a drive-thru boyfriend).  If escalation happens, it may change your friendship forever, for the good and the bad.

If you deploy this strategy, at least be a real friend to the guy, and don’t just use him as a way to receive some male validation while waiting for someone else.

46Hope October 6, 2011 at 5:27 pm
I would second A’s suggestion for the girl to befriend him. I suspect that guys try to befriend girls in attempt to spark romance because this is what works on them.

I remember telling my husband early on that I wanted to be friends. Although I was already intrigued by him and wanted to know more, I didn’t know enough about him to fall for him. Becoming his friend meant that I talked to him a lot more and got to know him better, and vice versa. Within a short time of talking more, we fell in love with each other.

The downside of this is guys are often wary of a girl who wants to be his friend due to the whole “friendzone” thing. But from a female perspective it works because it lets her find out more. If the girl likes him, she likes him for deeper characteristics once she’s gotten to know him. If he’s not such a great guy, then she can ease up without the awkwardness of having gone on official dates.

Becoming his friend is basically “isolating” him from the group, while also building intimacy, rapport and comfort. It can of course backfire if the guy JUST sees her as a friend. But it’s safer than the alternatives because she does not need to do anything physical like kissing (expected of dates).

I would agree with A. that if the guy doesn’t seem interested within about two weeks, forget about it and move on. It really doesn’t take men much time at all to make up their minds as to whether or not a girl is “worth” it. Also, don’t make a habit of it (as in, don’t collect guy friends). Befriend one guy at a time with this strategy, because guys will write off girls who are “shopping around” but often pay more attention to a girl who seems genuine with her offer of friendship.

The bonus? Being in love with and married to your best friend is completely awesome.

47Chris October 6, 2011 at 6:23 pm
Hold up a second.  People are now suggesting women let a man know she’s interested…by saying, “Let’s start with friendship.”

Er…why?  If I’m interested in a woman, and she’s actually open enough for me to know/suspect/have a definite inkling she’s interested–and then the words “just” and “friends” come out of her mouth?