A PHP Error was encountered
Severity: 8192
Message: filter_var(): Passing null to parameter #3 ($options) of type array|int is deprecated
Filename: core/Input.php
Line Number: 572
Backtrace:
File: /data/htdocs/chris.teria.org/pastebin/application/models/Pastes.php
Line: 625
Function: ip_address
File: /data/htdocs/chris.teria.org/pastebin/application/controllers/Main.php
Line: 551
Function: getPaste
File: /data/htdocs/chris.teria.org/pastebin/index.php
Line: 315
Function: require_once
A PHP Error was encountered
Severity: 8192
Message: filter_var(): Passing null to parameter #3 ($options) of type array|int is deprecated
Filename: core/Input.php
Line Number: 572
Backtrace:
File: /data/htdocs/chris.teria.org/pastebin/application/models/Pastes.php
Line: 625
Function: ip_address
File: /data/htdocs/chris.teria.org/pastebin/application/controllers/Main.php
Line: 551
Function: getPaste
File: /data/htdocs/chris.teria.org/pastebin/index.php
Line: 315
Function: require_once
https://bit.ly/3Cm5fSS
https://bit.ly/3Cm5iy2
https://bit.ly/3EAQQVu
https://bit.ly/3ywqj8g
https://bit.ly/3Ti74qC
https://bit.ly/3etb1KE
https://bit.ly/3Cm5pcW
https://bit.ly/3ywqlNq
Since we agree on the end, let’s not disagree too much. I think intrinsic to a ONS is a lowly view of sex, because it’s having sex with a stranger. All the motivations you give may attenuate the level of callousness with which she treated sex, but they do not rid it entirely. The one I find most convincing is her being mislead and manipulated. Still, each mitigating factor speaks to a different character flaw.
.
As to the devaluation of sex, I was thinking in surprisingly economic terms: scarcity makes something valuable. Once sex becomes less scarce, it ipso facto becomes less valuable.
.
“So to me, sex is NEVER a “sin”, and unless one did something terribly unsafe, or behaved in a totally ethically selfish and vacuous manner, there’s never anything to be ashamed of.”
(1) Sex for you couldn’t be a sin, since presumably you don’t believe in sin. There’s nothing to sin against!
(2) you’re begging the question, since the (hypothetical) debate between you and the person who espouses the position that I’m outlining is precisely about what is ethically selfish or not, and because…
(3) It doesn’t follow from being an atheist or agnostic that “sex is never a [misdeed--(see 1)]. For an interesting read, try http://www.amazon.com/Sexual-Desire-Philosophical-Roger-Scruton/dp/0826480381/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1282117962&sr=8-2
.
BTW, I’m not myself defending any position–except ironically–on this forum, because Susan has said many times that this is a value-neutral place to pragmatically discuss things. It’s, again, not my goal to convince you of XYZ, just to convince you that XYZ could be well argued for, which is very, very different & much more modest. This could just be a case of me taking a lighthearted joke too seriously.
Mani says:
August 18, 2010 at 11:50 am
@ PJL: I feel the same way about what you said. I used to be completely opposed to the idea of a ONS, but when I heard this story (from a close friend) it made me think about it a little more, what it meant for her, what it could mean for me in the future. Learning a lesson and then not doing it again is better than not learning a lesson and continuing that kind of behavior. The argument of “if he doesn’t accept me the way I am, I need to find a new guy” I feel at least is still applicable in this scenario because unlike someone who continuously sleeps around, it was stopped early on, and like you said, everyone makes mistakes.
To be honest, I will straighten one thing out – the person in context was not led on. She knew exactly what she was going into and was prepared for (some) of the consequences. And, she did know the person in question, although for a short period of time. In fact, she went to school with him (had a class.) She slept with him, discovered she wasn’t even interested in him as a friend OR FWB and most certainly did not want to date him, and then just completely lost all interest, asked him to just “be friends” (which he was cool about), and resumed her life as normal for the remainder of the class. So, I guess Clarance was right in that she did devalue sex and love, but the assumption that it wasn’t for curiosity is not correct because I think it was. It didn’t go awry or anything, as she was safe and thankfully didn’t get pregnant or contract anything, but she realized after the emotional stress (not attachment, surprisingly, because she felt NO emotional attachment to him afterward, probably from not knowing him long enough) but the emotional stress of worrying how he would react around their mutual friends, etc, bothered her, and the physical stress of an STD and pregnancy scare just was something she decided then and there was the end of all ONSs for her. To have sex irresponsibly, even if you are safe, was just not for her. I am glad she felt this way too.